In Remembrance – Mardi Lister

August 2010 – Rector’s Ruminations

“It is a poor thing for anyone to fear that which is inevitable.”

Tertullian

I did not know Mardi Lister, but I wish I had… for a variety of reasons. She lived, by all appearances, and to which was attested by those who knew and loved her, a full and fulfilling life.  As one friend said, she was a renaissance woman – a musician, an artist, a gardener, a weaver, a world traveler, a devoted churchwoman, as well as a loving wife and mother.  In listening to members of her family and friends offer remembrances of her at her funeral, she was clearly a strong, intelligent, caring and creative person.  All good reasons for wanting to know her.  But there is another reason that I wish I had known her.

As a clergyman, who has officiated at countless funerals over the past thirty-six years, I have had similar feelings about many persons I have buried and have not known.  A few, like Mardi Lister, are unique in that they serve as an example of the old Italian proverb, “a good death does honor to a whole life.”

Honestly, I admit that I do not know how Mardi died, but I do know how she approached death and for that I am grateful.  In working with members of her family on the Burial Office and Eucharist, I discovered that Mardi in her living will not only made provisions for her heirs and the institutions that she cared about to include Emmanuel Parish and the Senior Center, she also planned her funeral liturgy.  She selected the hymns as well as the instrumental music, chose the lesson, psalms, the rites and the Eucharistic prayer.  She had a clear sense and a feel for the liturgy that made my officiating easier in honoring her wishes and working with her family.  I suspect that it made the important work of grieving easier for her family as well.  Trying to figure out or “second guess” what a loved one might have wanted in terms of prayers, hymns and the like can be difficult in the pain of losing a loved one.  Knowing what the loved one wanted in terms of a farewell liturgy is a form of care and love – a gift from the departed – for those who grieve, remember and celebrate that person’s life.  The preparation and planning beforehand, and with family members and clergy, give a sense of what was important for the departed, how the person wants to be remembered and most importantly what the deceased believed given the choices he or she made for the funeral service.

Such preparation and direction also sends a clear message – I have faced the inevitability of my death and in facing it, I hope that I have given you the courage to face yours.

As individuals and members of Emmanuel Parish grow older, it is important for us to face the inevitable, our death – to see that at death and in preparing for death, we see ourselves as we truly are, and reveal our character.  In “facing ourselves” with the inevitable, it is also important to face God and those we love with courage, clarity and the hope of resurrection to life eternal.

Take the time to give direction and instructions to those you love as you plan and prepare for the inevitable.  Such sharing will also provide an opportunity to offer, while you are alive, that which has been important and meaningful to you in your life.  Said differently, to prepare for and die well is the chief part of virtue.

In Christ,

+Craig

By Bishop Craig B. Anderson

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